Each year I try to pick one word to focus on, rather than being overwhelmed by a long list of goals. Two years ago, the word was peace. I still find myself longing for it often in the midst of day-to-day life, so it’s still a good reminder. Last year, my word was hope in an effort to maintain a positive perspective when faced with challenges. This year, I haven’t been able to settle on just one word. So I picked two – try and trust.
The word try seems like a natural progression from hope. If I’ll allow myself to hope for the best, it will give me to courage to try new things, no matter how they may turn out. I don’t want to be frozen with fear and indecision, and sometimes, even when I know something might be a failure, I just have to take that first step to try.
Right now, the things we are planning to try include changes to Gage’s diet in hopes of decreasing seizure activity. Given our picky eater who we’re constantly trying to pack pounds onto, I know this won’t be an easy change. In an effort to learn the most about what will and won’t work, our whole family is going to try to cut carbs. That won’t come easily either, given my sweet tooth and Caleb’s love of crackers. But we’re easing in to these changes and at least going to give it a whirl.
Another thing I want to do this year is try and write more. I love having an outlet to share my thoughts and doubts. It really helps me process things instead of suppressing them. I also love sharing success stories and the victories we experience. So many of you out there love our boys and celebrate right along with us and it’s awesome! Lately, though, I’ve struggle to stay consistent in sharing. Sometimes it’s due to life being busy and me not making the time. Other times I just don’t feel like I know what to say. But consistently writing, even if it’s just for me and not something to be shared, is a good habit to strive for.
The reason for the second word this year is I felt like it was necessary—I couldn’t have one without the other. If I’m only focused on my own efforts and accomplishments, I lose sight of the bigger picture. If I’m so fixated on trying—chasing after the illusion of being in control—I neglect to recognize the times when I need to back off or let go. In order to try, I need to trust that there is potential for success, rather than only thinking of the negatives, what ifs or excuses. But sometimes instead of trying, I just need to trust—have faith that things will be alright, even without me influencing how they go.
I feel like the two-part dynamic is this. We have to keep moving forward, taking the next best step, making an effort, trying. But when we get to the end of our rope, our own abilities are exhausted and we face defeat, we have to remember that it’s not the end. That’s not the whole story. Trying is on us – it’s about what we can and should do. Trusting is what invites God to be involved in the outcomes.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
Proverbs 3:5-6
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.