Several weeks ago, a friend brought her kids over to play. I hadn’t seen them in waaaayyy too long, and their sweet mama told them they were welcome to ask any questions they wanted to about Gage. The 4 year old girl wanted to know if he could talk. I explained that he communicates in other ways, and said maybe after we were done playing outside he could show her his “talker.” Then the conversation moved to questions about Gage and Caleb’s dad. Since Evan wasn’t home from work yet, they were trying to figure out everyone’s roles and had to clarify if the bearded man in photos was the boys’ dad or mine. I laughed and explained that he was my husband, but Gage and Caleb’s dad. That seemed to end the Q&A session and the kids switched their attention to the real reason they were there—to play! I thought it was sweet that my friend didn’t try to hush their curious minds, but wanted them to really understand Gage’s differences. And not just according to her explanation, but by asking their own questions.
The kids got to swing, climb and bounce in the backyard before we moved inside to make tacos for dinner. As we were coming in, I was struggling to roll Gage’s chair wheels over the threshold of the sliding patio door. My friend’s 7 year old son patiently waited for us to clumsily make our way inside, then looked at me and asked, “Is it hard for his mom?” Another question caught me off guard in the middle of the task, and confused me a bit. I told him that I was Gage’s mom, thinking I hadn’t clearly explained all the family roles earlier. And then he looked me right in the eye and said, “I know. Is it hard?” That’s when I knew there was no confusion on his part at all. The compassion and empathy of a 7 year old standing in my living room hit me right in the gut. His mom wasn’t there listening or prompting questions. He just recognized my struggle and was brave enough to speak it. I told him that yes, sometimes it is hard and thanked him for asking me that.
We wrapped up the night with some tasty tacos before they headed home. On their way out the door, I told my friend about her son’s question while he climbed into the car and I could sense the pride on her face. There’s something so refreshing about kids’ perspectives. Sometimes questions for kids about Gage’s differences can be hard. I feel like my response is always a little different, depending on the mood I’m in. But I’m always glad when they show interest in him. Questions directed at me aren’t nearly as common, especially from little ones. That in itself was refreshing. This sweet boy wasn’t feeling sorry for me, or looking at me with pity. But somehow the simple fact that he recognized our challenges, on whatever level, made me feel seen and loved.
I try to maintain a positive attitude and share encouragement, rather than focusing on the negative. But neglecting to recognize when things are hard doesn’t make them any easier. Sharing our struggles with others may be the only way to make it through. My hope is that people, whether they’re kids or adults, can understand that even though something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not good. Our lives are filled with so many good things.
1 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
Psalm 103 : 1-5
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
2 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
4 He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!